We've all had relationships end. Most of us had our hearts broken one way or another in our teens and yes you feel like the world is ending and you'll never be happy again.. but you are. Things get better and your life continues. These break ups are hard but are the they hardest? No.
The most difficult relationships to lose in life are friendships. I have had a friend for a very long time, a friend I would consider to be my 'best'. We've had our ups and downs of course and time has passed where we've seen less of each other but it feels like now we're drifting further apart. Since we started trying for a baby she felt distant to me, I'm not sure why but things seemed harder. She was never free to make plans, if we did see her it was always on the way to some other engagement and I just didn't feel like priority in her life anymore. I thought once Milo was born things would change but if anything they seem to have worsened. She is now planning her own wedding, something that at one time I would have been a part of but she has found others to lean on and selfish as it may seem I'm feeling left out.
I can't be sure of course that she doesn't feel the same way about me, perhaps I alienated her when I ended my marriage, perhaps when I got engaged/planned more children she was hoping to have been doing the same but wasn't. At one time I would have been able to talk to her about all of these things but right now I feel a million miles away. Everything I say seems to come out wrong and she is always defending herself and her relationship. Is it me? Am I pushing her away? I don't know. I do know that she doesn't read this blog. Perhaps my blogging is to blame.. she has no interest in it and we are losing the interests we once shared. She is sharing hers with others as am I. We have found people that are more suited to us as we've grown older, is that the way of things? Is this how this is going to be now?
She doesn't read this blog but if she did I would want her to know that I'm sad. I feel like I've lost something. I hope it will return but I'm not sure why it left so I don't know how to help. We are on two different paths and the people we have chosen to take along with us don't seem to include each other anymore.
So if you're a teenager, a 20 something... a fully fledged woman, whatever. Whoever you are don't neglect the most important relationships in your life. They are the ones with your friends, they often outlast relationships with the opposite sex and you need them. We all do. You need your friends to lean on when you're not strong enough to hold yourself up. I believe my friend and I will find our way back to one another but right now I wanted to share my inner most hurt that we lost our way.
Miss BB
