We've all had relationships end. Most of us had our hearts broken one way or another in our teens and yes you feel like the world is ending and you'll never be happy again.. but you are. Things get better and your life continues. These break ups are hard but are the they hardest? No.
The most difficult relationships to lose in life are friendships. I have had a friend for a very long time, a friend I would consider to be my 'best'. We've had our ups and downs of course and time has passed where we've seen less of each other but it feels like now we're drifting further apart. Since we started trying for a baby she felt distant to me, I'm not sure why but things seemed harder. She was never free to make plans, if we did see her it was always on the way to some other engagement and I just didn't feel like priority in her life anymore. I thought once Milo was born things would change but if anything they seem to have worsened. She is now planning her own wedding, something that at one time I would have been a part of but she has found others to lean on and selfish as it may seem I'm feeling left out.
I can't be sure of course that she doesn't feel the same way about me, perhaps I alienated her when I ended my marriage, perhaps when I got engaged/planned more children she was hoping to have been doing the same but wasn't. At one time I would have been able to talk to her about all of these things but right now I feel a million miles away. Everything I say seems to come out wrong and she is always defending herself and her relationship. Is it me? Am I pushing her away? I don't know. I do know that she doesn't read this blog. Perhaps my blogging is to blame.. she has no interest in it and we are losing the interests we once shared. She is sharing hers with others as am I. We have found people that are more suited to us as we've grown older, is that the way of things? Is this how this is going to be now?
She doesn't read this blog but if she did I would want her to know that I'm sad. I feel like I've lost something. I hope it will return but I'm not sure why it left so I don't know how to help. We are on two different paths and the people we have chosen to take along with us don't seem to include each other anymore.
So if you're a teenager, a 20 something... a fully fledged woman, whatever. Whoever you are don't neglect the most important relationships in your life. They are the ones with your friends, they often outlast relationships with the opposite sex and you need them. We all do. You need your friends to lean on when you're not strong enough to hold yourself up. I believe my friend and I will find our way back to one another but right now I wanted to share my inner most hurt that we lost our way.
Miss BB
i'm also going through a friendship breakup at the moment, however it's mostly because a person who i thought was my friend isn't. it's hard, but it's for the best really, it's horrible when you think you know someone so well only to find out you didn't know them at all. hope all works out for you x
ReplyDeletei had a best friend since we were two years of age and we completely fell out after being friends for 12years. Then 5years later we realised that life is too short for arguments and you should never live without some that once made you happy or smile. So what i am saying is it is never too later to build bridges you only live once and you dont want to always wonder what if? i hope that you and your friend can reunite and be as close as you once were! Chin up!
ReplyDeleteI definitely feel for you lovely, I've got a similar situation with my best friend or dare I say it former best friend. When I got married it created a huge void between us and now shes changed so much that I really don't know how to even speak to her.
ReplyDeleteShe never makes the effort to see me anymore as she says she can never afford it or is too busy so then of course i'd get upset when I'd see that shes spent loads on seeing bands or getting tattoos but I guess its just priorities. when we do get together its so strange because our relationship has changed so much that we're like strangers.
I now have no expectations of her and make an effort to stop myself getting upset about it and just distance myself to save me the hurt.
its hard but I think its just the way things go sometimes.
I hope you feel better soon!
aww hun, ive just been to see my bff. We both have a lot going on at the mo and struggle to find thetime to meet sometimes but i love her to bits! x hope you girls find a way back . . life changes. . .friends dont have to x
ReplyDeleteTrue and sad...
ReplyDeleteI also feel so lost without my best friend,since she got pregnent,but i also think that's the part of life now for her-new life,so i hope when she's gave a birth we'll be able to conecct again :) ... hope for you and your's bff :*
Deleteme and my best friend havnt seen each other in about a year, but I know she is always theres (she lives in cornwall and I live in the midlands) its too much to pop round and tell her I miss her, so we make do with talking on skype whenever we can and having that one big catchup a year. However if you live relatively close to your friend pop over hers with a bottle of wine or some chocolate or something and just say, do you want a catch up? So whether you are drifting apart or shes just busy at least you are letting her know you are around whenever she needs it. I often find the best friends never go even if you dont have time for each other
ReplyDeleteYou should put it all in a card, stick it in the post box and its done. If you are heading for a break up isnt it better to have said your bit, how you feel, what your worries are, or let her drift off.. Or it could work for you and she could say she feels x&y or even if she agrees.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got pregnant it was also at a time where I was going through so much, so eventually me and my friend drifted.. we'd meet up for a drink, watch a film.. Now Ive moved and hes even further away and its probably down to a dozen texts per yr. Its like we've drifted but we're still friends, albeit not v close.
Nothing worse than having things on your mind and not being able to speak them. Try talking about it, you'll feel better.. and its better now than when/if things get more strained xx
This is true. Especially as women, it's easy to run around trying to take care of a million things and suddenly we've lost contact with the people we care about. I believe the difference between true lifelong friends and those who are seasonal is that when one or the other falls distant, one of you will always make the effort to reach out. Even if there is no time to grab coffee, a simple email or text wishing someone a good day, and saying you feel their absence, can go a long way to lessening the distance. Often times, just knowing someone cares about you enough to miss you is enough to remember that you are loved.
ReplyDeleteWishing you reconciliation with your friend. Thanks for sharing.
I can relate to this and have just accepted it as a part of life. Maybe I shouldn't but like you and your friend, we both seem to have taken different life routes. The only reason that our friendship is still standing is because she is due to get married to my brother later this year, which will make her my sister-in-law. That alone doesn't feel right but whatever will be will be!
ReplyDeleteI can also relate - around last summer a friend put what I thought was a massive strain on our friendship and, because I was going through a difficult time myself, once she was seeming OK again I gave her a bit of a wide berth. After a few weeks she must've gotten the picture and then in the coming months when I wanted to hang out she would find reasons not to. I felt terrible and genuinely missed her...so I bombarded her, reminded her how much she meant to me and thankfully now we are back on track and into our usual routine of dinner together, nights out, swift drinks, even early morning coffees just to see each other even when we're on tight schedules. I can't believe how much I missed her. I hope yours comes back and you manage to make amends, I couldn't agree more. Friendships lost are the ones that break your heart. Men just bruise them.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. Me and my friends all applied for the same uni 3 years ago so we couldnt drift apart, but we have, even though we walk past eachother everyday, in the same uni. They've found new friends that they're too busy with, and they keep cancelling our plans to meet up. And because i was the one hanging on to them, i wasnt able to make new friends like they have x
ReplyDeleteI had a group of friends that I would go out with, but when I started working full time, I got so tierd that when they asked me to go out I would say maybe another time. They didn't understand how hard I was working and assumed that I didn't want to go out when I did I was just tierd or had to get up early for work. Now they've completely shut me out and when I confronted the situation we had a disagreement. Friends should be there no matter what, I'm so glad you did this post xxx
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